What to do when your former self is reflected back to you

Change is really, really hard. Especially if you find yourself surrounded by people who want to constantly remind you of who you used to be.

What started as a personal meditation on my own growth, healing, and change, and the challenges that have come with it, grew into a chat with my intuition. I hope that this serves you in that you’re not alone as you feel scared along your healing journey - not just for diagnosis, but for how you explain your recovery to the people in your life. Allow it provide you comfort as differently layers of your life peel away and set you free. May we always remember that those who are meant for us will shine brightly with us in our joy, and all else will fade away.

Change is really, really hard.

Especially if you find yourself surrounded by people who want to constantly remind you of who you used to be.

It always feels hard. Hard to hear. Hard to feel. Hard to re-live.

You changed, bled, cried, shed, glowed, and transformed for a reason, and with intention.

Change when you’ve been known to be chronically ill is especially hard. Because you spent much of your life being sick. With people wondering if you were faking it. Once you’re healed, will they take that as confirmation of their suspicion?

And who are you once you’re well? Once you’re healed?

What is your identity? Your excuse? How will you learn to support your needs through the word “no?” How can you possibly have the audacity and the strength? To honor your worth.

Why can’t it be simple, no questions asked?

Why can’t everyone just be happy for you? To see you happy. Healthy. Whole. Growing.

It all has nothing to do with you, and even as you know this to be true, the shame and fear penetrates to your bones until you feel as though you could weep.

Transformation begets transformation, my child. Those who are meant for you will see you, love you, and let you be free from the pain you can no longer permit to be your burden.

Allow your light to come forth. Smile.

“Ah yes, and she isn’t me anymore.”

Bless her. Honor her. For she suffered. She was beautiful in her suffering. She served you well. And she’s ok being left in her time and place.

You’re allowed to learn, to experience, and to grow from what you’ve learned and experienced.

You’re permitted to heal, to strengthen, to stand in your power with all of the grace and glory meant for such a wondrous creature.

If you’re ready, allow yourself to bloom. Now is your time. All is well.

📸: Sydney Rae