I am more powerful than the energies around me

"I am a fckng Manifestor. Not only that, I am a powerful wielder of energetic forces, connected into the spirit realm, and co-creating with the Universe to INITIATE CHANGE FOR GOODNESS SAKE."

I haven’t been feeling great lately, on many levels. My body has felt heavy and clogged. My heart has been achy, and I’ve been prone to tears. My mind feels busy, and I have that distinct pressure sense in my head. Migraines, eye strain, sore head, neck, and shoulders.

I’ve felt relatively connected to my spiritual life, though, and my inner vision has been strong. My spleen has been spot on. But with everything else out of balance, I haven’t been great at listening to what these magical senses have been telling me.

I’ve been digging deeper and experimenting with my Human Design, and Human Design in general. I’ve gotten really interested in reading my sleep transit charts and learning about the DreamRave. This idea that our dreams are simply conditioning from the energies around us while we’re sleeping, rather than a subconscious processing of the world around us. The human seeking meaning from a force it doesn’t quite understand.

I’ve been running an experiment with my inner vision, with removing behaviors. I watched my usual pattern arise:

I am feeling pressure. It is a pressure I perceive, and not one necessarily being put on me. I feel a pressure to plug into the place I work. I plug in and it takes me over. Now there is the pressure to perform, to meet expectations, to do things the way they are done here. In this environment, and in this role, I’m an emotional Manifestor. I try to remind myself to have the emotional reaction and wait until I am neutral to respond, to take on the task. More pressure because I have been conditioned for speed.

I unplug from this place and enter the energetic field of my family – frustrated sacral energy hits me and my house is drenched in it. My body remains tense, the mental pressure increases: how can I make something easier? How can I pick up slack to reduce the frustration? How can I anticipate a need?

The compounding effect is something to behold. Suddenly, my energy, which had been so aligned just two months ago, is muddy again. Heavy again. I don’t want to cook, to ride my Peloton or walk the dog. I don’t want to tap, or have a magical morning practice, or take a shower. I don’t want to put on my beautiful clothing, paint my face, or show up in the world.

I want to eat fast food, stay in my sweats, let the bacteria grow on my face, and ache all over.

I mean, just read that sentence. I am horrified it flowed from my fingertips, and I am even more horrified by how true it has felt.

That isn’t really what I want. I am awakened to my pattern.

Yes, there are energies that I have plugged into that feel chaotic and impossible to appease. Yes, there are frustrated generator types in my house, and there is nothing like an unsatisfied and frustrated generator type to change the mood.

But I am a fucking Manifestor. Not only that, I am a powerful wielder of energetic forces, connected into the spirit realm, and co-creating with the Universe to INITIATE CHANGE FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

🥵

A new experiment emerges from this place. A new removal:

I do not plug in to the workplace, or let it plug into me. An act of creation and contribution from just outside its energies.

I do not act from pressure, should, guilt, or hypervigilant anticipation.

I take care of my body, my spirit, my mind, and my energy first and foremost. Nothing that isn’t time-bound is done before this occurs.

This is my intention for myself. My initiation to break an unhealthy pattern.

An affirmation:

I am more powerful than the energies around me.

And now, intuitive message I received as I began this essay:

You are letting yourself be guided astray because you are taking in too much from outside of you. You need to allow yourself to have quiet space, unassuming sound, and content that teaches or provides pleasure. Stop seeking advice on who you should be, how things should feel, or what needs to happen to reach an end goal. The point is to feel good, to elevate your vibration, and allow yourself to be who you truly are. There is magic that comes from this simple and brave act. This is not only how you transform yourself, but a way in which you initiate others. You may have a vision and wish to control, but you are not a dictator. You are an initiator. It is time to act like it.