Collective fear

How do we deal with a fear that both can’t be named and doesn’t seem to want to stop us from continuing on our paths?

I’ve been observing something interesting as I have been preparing and packing for a trip to the UK – I am afraid to leave home. I’ve left the country before, and it’s natural to be nervous about going somewhere you’ve never been, but this is different. This is a low-grade fear floating beneath the surface of my consciousness. It’s so subtle, I would barely have been aware of it if I hadn’t noticed that it was rippling to create procrastination in my preparations.

I had been intellectualizing my experience, thinking it may have to do with having spent so much time in lockdown during the pandemic. I’ve traveled in the United States since that all began, but I haven’t left the country. I thought it could just be a symptom of being on the roof. I am meant to be going within to integrate the first 30 years of my life to gain the wisdom from it. Maybe I just want to stay on this particular roof instead of climbing onto a new one in a new country?

I even considered that it could be a result of still living with blurry vision and without glasses. PRK, a form of laser vision correction, has done a great job…but it takes weeks to months before my vision will be crystal clear. This experience has been unnerving locally – high anxiety in a restaurant with low lighting and loud music, walking through the hardware store on a Saturday, being in crowds of people – how will this feel when I am in a foreign country?

It’s not to say these aren’t valid thoughts, but the thing is, they’re just that – thoughts. Trying to rationalize what I was feeling in my body didn’t make the feeling go away. But sitting with the feeling didn’t make it go away either.

After talking with a few friends, what I have come to realize is that I am not alone in this. Two of my girlfriends, who love traveling and seeing the world regularly, have been having the same feeling in their travels. Both have expressed a desire to be home, to root down. I also have this feeling of needing to root down, to stay with my little family. In a conversation with a colleague, I brought up this feeling, and he affirmed that it is safe to leave the house…but he feels the same way.

Collective fear is strange to hold inside your body. It isn’t necessarily yours to process, or at least not process alone, and you can’t really let it stop you from living your life (to a certain degree). Especially when that fear has no real pinpoint that you can see, or roots that you can easily uncover.

You almost have to sit with the vibration in your body and feel it reverberate. Let it move through you to see what it finds. As I sat with it, I thought about how my healing eyes had prevented me from reading about the weather so I could figure out what to pack. I had been saving screen time for work as much as possible and letting my eyes rest and heal in off hours.

So, I did a little research. I asked my friends who had traveled to these countries before for advice. I felt better.

Then the fear came back. I avoided packing for days. I felt clingy with my partner and pup.

I pushed through and I packed, and I felt a little bit better. It turns out that the dream I had in which I got on the plane with an empty carryon would not come to pass after all.

And yet, the fear still rests in the recesses of my mind, gently vibrating in my body. Just enough that it can’t fully be ignored, but not so much that it is stopping me in my tracks.

What is the deal with collective fear, anyway?

Collective fear is the general sense that something is not quite right, or something is coming. It does not have to be a major, catastrophic event. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be a singular event that affects all of humanity. When there is enough uncertainty in the world in a concentrated period of time, it’s as though individual fear finds a friend in another individual’s fear, creating a link that spreads the fear energetically.

Coupled with astrological events – like Mercury Retrograde or eclipses – we can feel generally afraid and not know why.

Universal energies will not be ignored

This feeling often builds as change makes its way to us. It’s found in that moment that you are becoming aware that something has to shift and will shift… but not being able to name or control that something or the timing of the shift creates uncertainty.

Uncertainty creates fear.

As humans we tend to be afraid of what we can’t see, name, or understand. We try to control it, but control is hard to come by when you can’t discern the “it.”

We’ve been led to believe that we can control outcomes with strategy, planning, and flawless execution. The truth is that we can’t control how our efforts and energy are perceived and received. We can’t necessarily control what happens once we’ve set the ball in motion.

Surrender is a powerful act that humans push against and resist. If we surrender and stop seeking control, stop seeking power, what will happen next?

It’s uncertain.

Fear arises.

So, we keep pushing and trying to control and resist surrendering to the unknown.

The cycle ceaselessly repeats.

This is the definition of insanity, right?

How do we deal with a fear that both can’t be named and doesn’t seem to want to stop us from continuing on our paths?

We take a deep breath, acknowledge fear, and keep walking.

We take care to pay attention to details, to listen to our bodies, and breathe even more.

The fear may not go away instantly, but it will eventually dissipate.

We have to surrender to the fear, in that it seems to want to persist regardless of our preparations, and trust that we are held and intuitively guided.

Fear is a great teacher if you’re willing to learn its lessons.

✨ ✨ ✨

Human design notes:

1.     Being on the roof is the second life phase for this with a 6 in their profile. It’s the time in which one goes from experimenting (the 3 line) and into a state of observation and integration. This process creates wisdom for the third life phase, when the 6 line comes off of the roof to become the leader or role model.

2.     Splenic authority

3.     Personal view